I couldn't even sneak out to the shower blocks because they were locked at night.After three days, it was affecting my sleep and my cramps were getting worse. I was putting on my night-dress in the bathroom and I realised I absolutely had to get off or I wouldn't be able to get any rest. But how do you bring that up with your brother?Back in the bedroom, I lay down underneath the covers. Ryan was in the other bed on top of the blankets playing a computer game – in fact, that game never left his hands most of the time. He was only wearing shorts.'Ryan,' I said, 'I need to...' He didn't look up from the game but raised his eyebrows. I was hoping to be able to think of the right words as I went along, but it wasn't happening.'You need to what?'I took a deep breath, thinking of a slightly different angle. 'You know how boys all wank? And don't say you don't because you all do.'He paused his game and looked at me but didn't say anything. He looked a little disgusted, though I wasn't. The numbness was gone, and the desire to just forget and move on had replaced it easily. Something inside just wanted to pretend it would all be good if she just wrote Carrie off and moved on. Sure, there was still a little voice in the back of her mind that told Ashlee that she was not only fooling herself, but also trying way too hard to find an easy way out that she didn't deserve to take but it was a voice that was easy for Ashlee to ignore by simply repeating to herself that if she could just be good from now on that would be all that really mattered.By the time she arrived home to find Macy in the shower Ashlee was absolutely certain she could be good again, that she could resist the urges she'd given into only the night before. Seeing Macy standing there in the warm spray of the shower looking like the living embodiment of sex helped with this feeling. It also sent shivers down Ashlee's spine. She felt electric, she felt strong just knowing she was about to make love to the.
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